Sadly Neglected

This poor blog has become so sadly neglected.  I thought about it for the first time in a while when I was working on washing all the baby clothes to get somewhat ready for whenever we have this little bundle make her appearance in the world.  I got the car seat cover washed and the seat wiped down and did about 4 or 5 loads of laundry.  Thanks to Gaylynn and Trish’s hand-me-downs and the baby shower outfits this little one has a lot of clothes!  I’m not sure she’ll ever get to wear them all.  I have no clue where to put them since I know JD will tear through them if they are in his room.  I’ll be figuring it out tomorrow so I can get it all out of the hallway.  I’m guessing it’ll go somewhere in our room, I just have to find a place to put it.  I also need to find the sheets for the moses basket and a place to put that in our room.  For those of you that have been in our room I’m sure you are laughing at the thought of fitting anything else in there, but we’ll make it work… somehow. 

Purple toes on pudgy feet

This past week my cousin Mickie came over and did glitter toes for me!  They had a party here the night I ended up with a bad stomach bug and had to go into the hospital.  I was so excited she came back to help my toes be all cute.  It’s the best part of my pudgy swollen legs and feet.  Thanks again Mickie.  That same night Nicola came by for a visit and brought Gwen an amazing afghan with matching booties and hat.  It’s just so cute and I can’t wait to wrap her in it!  She made a second smaller pair of booties and hat for her to wear when she is newborn and they are so soft.

Today we hit the 30 week mark of the pregnancy.  I’m finding my hormones and emotions are out of control this week.  It hasn’t been helping that after such a long stretch of me feeling pretty good that I’ve started to have some symptoms that I had with JD’s pregnancy show up.  Today was not to bad (hence the laundry) but now even my hands are swollen and I can’t get my wedding ring off.  The joys!  Yesterday it took me over an hour just to shower and get myself and JD dressed because I had to keep laying down.  I’m glad that we are going to be able to have her later than 32 weeks because that is best for her but I’m also starting to feel very done with being pregnant.  It’s probably also because until 2 weeks ago we thought we were delivering in the next week or two and now it’s up in the air again.

This week I have an OB appointment, I’m to the stage where I see them every 2 weeks now.  Starting at 32 weeks I also have to go into L & D for non-stress tests on the baby 3 times a week.  I also have an appointment with the Cardiologist this week including a heart echo.  I’m praying that even with the increase in symptoms my heart function hasn’t dipped anymore because I want to avoid medications if at all possible.  We’ve made it this far, we are almost done!

Today

What a Tuesday. I’m so sorry if you checked earlier and I didn’t post. I’ve needed some time to think about things today.

I didn’t expect the Cardiologist to be a fun appointment but I also didn’t expect some of the things he said. Like anyone else who we’ve told about the pregnancy the doctor wasn’t quite sure how to react. He was shocked, then happy, then worried. I’m so glad we’ve already developed a good relationship with him because we had to have some hard conversations today.

I’m back on a restricted low sodium diet and I will be having a heart echo on the 11^th of May with an appointment right after with the Cardiologist. If the echo shows a significant decrease in function than he asked if we would consider abortion. I was floored, shocked and sad because I thought we wouldn’t have to worry about that. Jeremy said it depended how bad the heart echo was but I told him after we left I just couldn’t do it. I cried off and on tonight because of the seriousness of the situation. It’s just not something I ever thought I would have to ponder. I knew how serious things were, but I think it really hit home today. I didn’t expect him to say congratulations we’ll see you again in 8 months, but I wasn’t expected to get such a big question to think about.

To add hormones to injury when I went to get dressed for class tonight my pants didn’t fit at all and my shirt was starting to stretch over my tubby tummy. I haven’t gained any weight, I’ve actually lost some but apparently my body remembers what it needs to do and is getting a jump start on things. I cried and freaked out since I’ve been trying not to let the entire school know yet. Jeremy had to convince me to just wear some brown pj bottoms and hope no one said anything. Needless to say it was an emotional class for me. We were actually working on our own protocol’s so I just hid behind my laptop all night. I guess I’m going to need to order some bigger shirts to get me through the rest of the year.

I’m sure when I wake up tomorrow things will seem a bit better and I can focus on being optimistic again, but right now I just want to crawl into bed and wait for the 11^th to get here. I’ve decided I will distract myself this weekend with a new movie that is coming out and a date with Jer.

Whiplash!

I’m getting whiplash from my own mood-swings the past few days.  It’s SOOOO much worse this time around than it was with JD.  I’m happy then angry in 2.2 seconds flat, and the anger it out of control.  Everything is setting me off.  The room not being clean, something left out in the bathroom, someone looking at me sideways.  You name it, it’s ticking me off.  I am sure those that don’t know I’m pregnant are running for the hills thinking I’ve lost my mind for sure.  I really just want to scream and cry to everyone that I’m pregnant so maybe they won’t hate me but we’ve decided to wait as long as possible to tell anyone.  I also have to force myself to eat, since nothing sounds good at all and I am getting morning sickness worse because of the lack of food I’m eating.

I’m getting anxious about the Doctor on Tuesday.  I am taking all the pregnancy symptoms I am getting worse and worse as a good sign but until I see a heartbeat I won’t believe I’m really pregnant and not going to miscarry.  Lets not kid ourselves, I probably won’t believe it until after the first trimester.

There is another part of me that is so very excited now.  JD will be a big brother and if everything goes well we’ll have a little bundle in our arms by Christmas.  I got rid of almost ALL of my maternity clothes because I wasn’t ever going to be pregnant (so dumb) so last night I hit the clearance racks at Target and found some really cute tops.  I know some of them will work the entire pregnancy but a couple are just to hide any hint of pregnancy until we tell people.  They were all under 7 bucks (wahoo).  The perk to being chubby to begin with is that people will probably just think I’m getting fatter… if you want to call that a perk.  I would have been easier to hide it pre-breast reduction.  I already have one pair of school/work pants that I can’t button up without causing discomfort.  Let the good times roll.