Today

What a Tuesday. I’m so sorry if you checked earlier and I didn’t post. I’ve needed some time to think about things today.

I didn’t expect the Cardiologist to be a fun appointment but I also didn’t expect some of the things he said. Like anyone else who we’ve told about the pregnancy the doctor wasn’t quite sure how to react. He was shocked, then happy, then worried. I’m so glad we’ve already developed a good relationship with him because we had to have some hard conversations today.

I’m back on a restricted low sodium diet and I will be having a heart echo on the 11^th of May with an appointment right after with the Cardiologist. If the echo shows a significant decrease in function than he asked if we would consider abortion. I was floored, shocked and sad because I thought we wouldn’t have to worry about that. Jeremy said it depended how bad the heart echo was but I told him after we left I just couldn’t do it. I cried off and on tonight because of the seriousness of the situation. It’s just not something I ever thought I would have to ponder. I knew how serious things were, but I think it really hit home today. I didn’t expect him to say congratulations we’ll see you again in 8 months, but I wasn’t expected to get such a big question to think about.

To add hormones to injury when I went to get dressed for class tonight my pants didn’t fit at all and my shirt was starting to stretch over my tubby tummy. I haven’t gained any weight, I’ve actually lost some but apparently my body remembers what it needs to do and is getting a jump start on things. I cried and freaked out since I’ve been trying not to let the entire school know yet. Jeremy had to convince me to just wear some brown pj bottoms and hope no one said anything. Needless to say it was an emotional class for me. We were actually working on our own protocol’s so I just hid behind my laptop all night. I guess I’m going to need to order some bigger shirts to get me through the rest of the year.

I’m sure when I wake up tomorrow things will seem a bit better and I can focus on being optimistic again, but right now I just want to crawl into bed and wait for the 11^th to get here. I’ve decided I will distract myself this weekend with a new movie that is coming out and a date with Jer.

The shock of our lives

After developing Pregnancy Associated Cardiomyopathy during my last pregnancy we were told to avoid another one.  Our son is now 15 months old and the shock of my life happened when I found out yesterday I was pregnant again.  I spent most of the night awake, thinking, crying, smiling, crying, worrying and just overall running through every emotion imaginable.  We wanted another child and were going to think about looking into adoption in another couple of years, and out of the blue two little lines showed up on a pregnancy test.

Our son JD is our only child but he was our 4th pregnancy.  Because of the multiple miscarriages the doctors put me on progesterone suppositories for the first 13 weeks of JD’s pregnancy.  I hated them, they are messy and made my moods CRAZY.  Today I was told I needed to start them again.  On top of the hormone I have appointments with my OB and my cardiologist within the next 2 weeks.

I have a feeling this is going to be a bumpy ride.  I don’t plan on saying a word to anyone as long as possible since it is such a shock but since I’m in school to be a massage therapist I do have to let the school know.  It may mean people find out much sooner than I’d like.  I pray the heart failure stays away and that we won’t have to deal with the cardiomyopathy this time around but I guess we’ll see how things go.